This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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