my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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