So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
