Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
