The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
