apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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