one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
handjob tips. give me some.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
