Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
