she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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