I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
