He is an equal opportunity slut.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
