Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
