my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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