I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
