dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
