I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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