Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
