I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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