Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
