I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
