These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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