I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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