I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How many fucks given?
0.12846
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
