chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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