I think I died a long time ago.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
