suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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