i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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