look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
