Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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