i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
