Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
