not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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