there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
