yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
