i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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