my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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