Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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