Nicole vs. Life
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
