I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
