I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
