Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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