You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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