Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
