Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
