3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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