i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
