Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
