You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize