So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
