She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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