you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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