I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
