I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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