I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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