the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
