Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
