Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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