we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
