The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
