just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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