She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I FOUND THE LEGS
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
