I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
