I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
