I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
