I puked a lego.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
