i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
