All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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