if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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