Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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