i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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