She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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