Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
