I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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