put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
