the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
