Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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