your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
