They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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