why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
this hospital has no fireball
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
