I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
