Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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