i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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