): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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