i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize