he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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