Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
