I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize