oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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