I can text with my tongue
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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