I'm lost and stupid without you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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