drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
