Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
