The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
