we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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