Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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