Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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