Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
