pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
