from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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