she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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