Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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