Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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