Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
